we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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