loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
