she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
