I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
