May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My life is pants optional.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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