wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
