Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
