All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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