sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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