Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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