It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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