Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we're chasing vodka with high fives
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those đ
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
