That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
