so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I look better un-naked...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
