I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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