Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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