finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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