News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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