decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
