He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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