he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
