If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
