It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
