If i come over, it means nothing
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
