$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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