My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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