your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
