carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
