Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
