apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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