these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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