i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
