Sry I called you an 8
i think i have two assholes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
