I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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