I cannot find my penis.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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