i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
