In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love you. Go after that dick
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
