So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
