no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
