I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
