Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you win again, gameday.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
