I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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