I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
