So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
