I can text with my tongue
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
