Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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