you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
