I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I understand Curling. That high.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
