My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
