Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
