you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
