he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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